


The Not-So-Jolly Accident

by Toozmanykids



Series: Second Chances [3]
Category: British Actor RPF, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: Bad Parenting, F/M, Implied/Referenced Sex, Kids using adult equipment, Tom isn't actually in this, good parenting, kids will turn anything that hangs down into a swing, no sex in this, parenting fuck ups, put your toys away, questionable parenting, same reason my kids aren't allowed on the treadmill, with adult toys in a story who do you want to imagine is the Mr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-10-31 10:07:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17847374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toozmanykids/pseuds/Toozmanykids
Summary: Always be careful in the shower. It's a well known fact that most domestic accidents happen in the bathroom. Or so I've heard. Also, sometimes after kids have had unusual accidents, a report gets sent to child services. Here the cop is reviewing the incident in order to send the paperwork to child services.





	The Not-So-Jolly Accident

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Caffiend](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caffiend/gifts).
  * Inspired by [The Reluctant Bride](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13843938) by [Caffiend](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caffiend/pseuds/Caffiend). 



> This is what happens when responses to comments that respond to comments go a little overboard.  
> This is my first reader insert, and I think I fixed all accidental switches between past tense and present. Like I said, this was originally just me goofing around in response to Caffiend's response to my comment on her Reluctant Bride. Obviously the beginning of its Chapter 10 had quite an impact on me.
> 
> As for the exact accurate steps re when child protective services gets involved, fortunately I don't know. But from the day my daughter was born, my father in law teased me every time I got flustered. "They're going to take that baby away from you!" Oh he loved to see me all flustered and stressed out, overreacting to everything. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I promise, no real heads full of blond curls were actually harmed in the writing of this story. This is pure fiction. Although it surely has given me some ideas.

"How did your 4 yr old twins BOTH get concussions at the same time, ma'am?"

"They just fell in the shower, Officer. They're both fine now, as you can clearly hear."

One mass of blond curls attached to a little boy raced past, chasing another little boy with a matching head of curls around the dining room table with a wooden spoon, entering their 50th lap. Each time he caught him, he wacked the metal colander on his brother's head until he cried. Then they traded items and switched roles. This had preoccupied them for a good 20 min straight. The cop was clearly annoyed and developing a headache. You on the other hand have worn earplugs for the past 3 years, honing your lip reading skills to perfection. By this point, everyone just assumes you have great conversation skills with very intense eye contact.

"Now ma'am, I am finding that a little hard to believe. Those were some pretty nasty concussions from just slipping in the shower. Plus, the report says that they were still wearing their clothing at the time, including their tennis shoes. I am going to require that you show me the scene of the crime."

"Crime???!!!!"

"I'm sorry ma'am. I meant 'accident," of course."

God, his voice sounded so patronizing when he said that!

You reluctantly led the cop into bathroom that had been marked and sealed since the paramedics had first called the cops last week, the day of the accident. Oh, I mean 'accident.'

The cop opened the door and gasped, before stuttering out a simple, "Oh."

Yes, there was blood everywhere like a typical crime scene on TV. But there were also muddy foot prints that perfectly matched the bottoms of 2 pairs of size 8 toddler shoes. Yes, it might first have looked odd that these muddy footprints were all in a perfect ring around the walk-in glass shower walls exactly 3 ft off the ground. But you weren't even sure the cop had noticed that.

His face had immediately gone bright red as he stared at the sex swing hanging from the ceiling in the center of the shower, roughly 3 ft from the ground. Clearly, this was not a coincidence.

"When can I finally clean up this room and take my Jolly-Swing down?"

It had been a week of hell while six of you had tried to all use one bathroom this week, especially now that your oldest daughter had finally discovered how to use her hair brush, plus how to lock the bathroom door. Flat out removing that bathroom door was sounding like a better idea each day.

By this point, you were desperate to open your master bathroom for business again. You were feeling rather desperate in more ways than one, to be honest, after such a rough week.

The cop immediately and very abruptly turned on his heels and practically ran out of the bathroom, carelessly bumping into you as he blew past. How rude!

"Now! You... You... Now... You can clean this all up now."

Following him out of the bathroom you quickly said, "Thank you, Officer. What will you be writing in your report, if I may ask?" You felt even more nervous with his sudden change in demeanor.

Luckily your fears were quickly alleviated.

"Nothing ma'am. I'm not writing a damn thing." He cleared his throat and dramatically lowered his voice in attempt to sound professional and macho again. Then he stopped suddenly. Standing straight as he could muster, he turned to you looking serious and stern.

"I would suggest you put a lock on that door though." Glancing over at the twins pulling the curtains down off the wall as they swang from one chair to the other and bellowed out Tarzan calls, he shook his head with a groan. "Definitely put a lock on that door, Mrs. Hiddleston."

"Will do, Officer. Thank you."

**Author's Note:**

> I've actually been trying to talk my husband into hanging up one of those ninja training courses, a zip line, a real punching bag, and especially one of those balance ropes to walk on, while you hold another rope above your head. I think the kids would love it. He just laughs, knowing that someone would be hurt the second we turned out backs.
> 
> I threw this in with My Very Own Doubtful Guest calling the series Second Chances, bc maybe this drabble is in the future, a year or so. Maybe?


End file.
